Today I Am Grateful For …
it is never about achieving more, rather to lose and let go
In this story, I would try to summarize chapters of Mark Manson best-selling book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and would try to relate to my own experience as additional examples.
Up until now, I have already learned so much on how to gain: acquire new knowledge, develop a career, manage future investments, etc.
What I didn’t realize back then was that the ability to lose is the real game-changer.
Brief, the most crucial thing I learned from his book was to create a balance between high and grounded life.
Please enjoy!
The Rise of Existential Crisis
It is effortless to be ungrateful these days. Especially when there’s infinite amount of information we can process.
Our society today, through the over-appreciated of hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours social media, has created a belief that having negative experiences — anxiety, fear, guilt, etc — is a sin.
If we look at our Instagram or Facebook feed, for example, many people we follow may be having a great-wonderful time, such as:
“Hey three of my friends are getting married this year!“
“Wow, this dude got a new mansion as a birthday gift from his parents“
Meanwhile, we’re stuck at home, flossing our cat, while scrolling through timeline giggling at series of scandals, unconsciously developing a spirit of netizenship (digital citizenship).
Thus from that phenomenon we can see that we’re no longer facing a material crisis.
It is existential.
The Backwards Law
British philosopher Alan Watts used to mention the legendary backwards law.
When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float’ and that ‘insecurity is the result of trying to be secure.
Which generally means:
The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
At first I was like: “Wait, what kind of sorcery is that, a total non-sense!”
I once believed that I must gain a level of standard, only until then, I would feel enough. The question is, how can I be so sure that I won’t ever try anything else? Let’s say, trying to achieve even greater level of standard, maybe.
As an example, there was a time when I thought that someday it would be enough for me when I could finally find a way to make money on my own. But then, I got a job, I earned some money, and yes, it was more than enough for me. I could save a lot too.
Then what? I started to imagine, “Hey it would be nice if I can buy a car”.
Then the true meaning of enough was suddenly no longer the same as it was.
I realized that I started to crave more, and more
This was the funny yet the most critical thing about backwards law in the real life:
Pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place
Therefore the more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless how much money you actually make.
The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless you actual physical appearance.
What else?
Doesn’t it make sense to you?
The Power of Gratitude
The art of living is to craving for more, it is actually what makes us human. However, as we are now aware of the nature of backwards law, it is critical to create our own regulations or otherwise we will be trapped in a never ending self-illusion.
From what I learned, this is where gratitude play its role.
With gratitude, we will learn to accept everything we have. The acceptance then will ultimately lead us to lose and let go everything we don’t actually need.
It doesn’t mean that you have to lose everything and not to gain something.
I said earlier that it is about inventing a regulation, or a balanced-life. Because the problem is usually:
Most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving yo many f*cks in situations where f*cks do not deserve to be given.
Thoughts reframing
Any of you ever heard your friend complains to you about something beyond his control, let’s say a traffic jam?
Let’s imagine if he has the ability to not give a f*ck (to lose and let go) about the jam and start doing something else that deserve more of his attention.
There’s actually many things to do, for example listening to a music while examining his own thoughts, how grateful he is, trapped in a jam inside a comfortable car.
Or maybe if there’s someone else inside, why not start telling what he like about his crush. How grateful he is, having someone to talk while stuck in a jam.
This is one strongest powers of gratefulness: it will reframe our thoughts about something. The choice is actually ours.
Both (to complain and be grateful) require same amount of time and energy, but will generate different results. Therefore it is a crucial life skill, and like other skills it can be taught.
It is not easy, but it is possible through practice, and there’s no better time to start practicing than now.
So this is it.
Today I am grateful for …..
being thoughtful on my own feelings,
having deep and insightful talks with real-good friends,
reading this story, LOL
please go on … !
ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَالَمِينَ
