The Joy of Turning Inward
taming the double-edged sword of comparing
A laptop, comfortable place to sleep, good coffee, hair comb, pencil sharpener, a job, organized desk, clean water, peaceful country, working from home, books, fast charger, a bed, awareness, knowledge, curiosity, humility, empathy, values, ambition, anger, patience, political views, arts …..
Those are most thing I write in my journal everyday. Some of them clearly my material possessions, some are thoughts and random things.
It sounds like nothing, just a pure joy.
It first began with questions
Why is it easy to forget what you already have? Why do we tend to focus on what we lack? Why do we need to envy on what other people have that we do not?
The truth is I have tried so many times to seek the answer of those questions. Until I finally got the answer: because we are human.
That’s it?
Of course not.
I’m not that person who can be satisfied with just a simple answer, without any further explanation. (to complicate simple thing is obviously one of my superpower, I know..)
So I kept asking.
While I haven’t got the explanation that I was expected, there’s one reason I can bear with.
As human, we have the tendency to compare ourselves with others. And it is a normal part of human cognition. Whether you like it or not, that is something you will unconsciously do. And guess what, it has huge influence on your decisions.
Wanna proof?
Let me ask you, do you choose your own career path yourself? Or you choose the job because someone you admire is actually on that path?
Have you ever bought something, let’s say a trendy shoes, because you see someone wear it and she looks gorgeous?
Have you ever wanted to go somewhere, for instance a beach in Bali, after you see one of your friend taking a selfie with a dramatic-burning sunset in the background?
If you don’t believe it, then you should. Because that’s what makes us human.
Is that necessarily a bad thing?
Well, no. Comparing is not that bad. Paradoxically, it can be a powerful motivator, a reason that enable our growth.
Comparisons can be a double-edged sword. Consider looking at this famous illusion.
Which orange circle do you think is larger?
The fact is, those two orange circles are exactly the same size (go on take a ruler). So, how your eyes deceive you? Pretty good right?
The same thing goes for a situation when you compare yourself with other.
Consider this example.
Imagine you are riding a motorcycle, on your way to work. Then you stuck on a traffic jam, while suddenly it starts to rain. Then you start to worry about yourself, how can you work when you are wet? Will my laptop be safe inside my bag?
At the same time, you can see someone else inside their car. And she won’t be bothered by the rain. What do you think?
You can also see someone standing under a tree, on the sidewalk. By his appearance, you know that he’s a homeless beggar. He is just trying to find some place to keep him away from the rain. Now, what do you think?
Which path you choose?
From the previous example, you may think that it would be nice to have a car instead of motorcycle. This actuallt can be good, for example, if that thought drives you to work harder and better. But also can be bad, when it makes you feel bad about yourself.
On the other hand, you may think you are lucky enough to have a job and motorcycle when seeing someone homeless, this will remind you to be grateful. However it can be also bad, when you think you don’t deserve better and not trying anything to improve yourself (just because you see someone less fortunate than you).
It can be a deterrent from doing something, it can also be a detriment to doing something.
Comparing was one of my major enemies back then, I had no awareness that it actually controlled every decision I made.
How about now? It still gives huge influence on my decisions, obviously.
The only difference is that I am more aware that everyone has completely different life stories and struggles.
I was the type of person who is craving on perfection on every aspect. Thus by comparing myself with other, this would mean disaster!
Only with the practice of gratitude, I learn to accept everything I have and let go everything I don’t actually need, including comparing myself with unecessary things.
It’s easier said than done.
Who can’t say, “I’m grateful!”?
While it’s easy, words actually have no meaning. Not until I understand that the power isn’t actually came from the words, but the gratitude itself. Sound pretty abstract and clueless, huh?
Anyway, I tried so many things, took many advice, read many stories to learn how to be grateful. Guess what? Most of the efforts were not successful. For me, the answer is about building the habit.
But building habit takes some efforts and time. So why don’t I try to start something super easy?
Then I immediately see something in front of me.
I realize that I have a laptop, comfortable place to sleep, good coffee, hair comb, pencil sharpener, a job, organized desk, clean water, peaceful country, working from home, books, fast charger, a bed, awareness, knowledge, curiosity, humility, empathy, values, ambition, anger, patience, political views, arts …..
(then I start to realize how easy it is to take something for granted)
