What I (Not Steve Jobs) Learned after Dropping Out of College
learn to unlearn the lies we have inherited
Disclaimer — I have already a college degree, but it does not necessarily mean that I have never experienced a dropout. Well, I was not planning for dropping out (what’s the point of doing that anyway?).
It was all unexpected and there’s nothing to be proud of (but there’s nothing to be ashamed of too).
From this experience, I unlearned the necessity of college education. Well, it is indeed important, but college is just an option as being schooled is not always the same as being educated.
In fact, I don’t feel like I’ve stopped learning just because I didn’t get my expected degree.
It’s June 21, 2005
Steve Jobs was expected to give a commencement speech for the graduating class at Stanford University. You know Steve Jobs, it turned out the speech was well-crafted and super inspiring.
As we know, Steve Jobs is a college dropout. After decided to drop out, he attended a calligraphy class. There, he learned about what makes great typography actually great. That time, he thought:
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life
Later in 10 years, when he and Steve Wozniak were crafting the Macintosh, those calligraphy lessons came back to him. And they designed it all into the Mac.
It turned out then that Mac was the first computer with beautiful typography.
The Myth of the College-Dropout Billionaire
Most college dropouts don’t become unusually successful, and most unusually successful people aren’t college dropouts.
We’re disproportionately focused on college-dropout successes due to a phenomenon known as survivorship bias, a logical error and cognitive bias that leads people to false conclusions due to invisible or overlooked examples.
source: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/345934
Therefore, the highlight of his speech is not to suggest the audience to be a college dropout (they were in a graduating ceremony, are you kidding me?).
It’s rather to show us how important it is to believe that somehow, what do we experience now will eventually find its meaning, as well as the negative ones.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. — Steve Jobs
It’s October, 2015
There’s no Steve Jobs, no graduation ceremony, only me, clouded with overflowing thoughts.
I was in Paris, pursuing a Master’s Degree at Université Pierre et Marie Curie (UPMC/Paris VI) and that was the real definition of dream comes true. Well, it was once my dream school (plus I had been rejected once, a year before).
The odd thing (for me) was by that time, I already got a Master’s Degree. However as the impulsive-ambitious-me told me to follow the heart, I thought that it was an extraordinary idea to get another degree (especially at my dream school!).
It’s March 2015
Let’s get back months earlier.
I decided to submit the application. That moment, I was even more confident than the previous year, as I had already proven to myself (and others) that I was capable to earn a degree in France. That was the naive me.
It’s July 2015
As the over-confident me expected, I got the acceptance letter (yippie!).
As I mentioned earlier, that was my second attempt after I failed once. Thus from that experience I learned that hard work won’t betray you (poor me, you didn’t know the reality yet).
It’s mid September 2015
I was still in Marseille when the first academic term began, still working as a developer (intern) in a software consulting company.
Just after the contract was terminated (at the end of the September), I got off immediately to Paris, trying to catch up everything (I had not even re-registered for the semester yet).
Bonjour Paris, here I come
I finally attended my first class with sooo much excitement.
Well I didn’t get any scholarships or fundings. However I had set aside most of my internship salary, exclusively for this extraordinary study plan. If everything went well, it should be enough for me to cover the tuition fee and the living cost (for 5 months, more or less).
After that? I would find another internship program on the next semester (it is obligatory for a second year master student). That way I would get paid, and that’s right, problem solved.
There was actually another complication. It was my visa that was already expired. However that wasn’t also a problem (yet) as I was asking for my Récépissé (temporary residence permit we can obtain from the local prefecture while renewing visa). I just had to wait a little longer.
Things could be worse. I could not find any dorm yet, since I was not a scholarship beneficiary, it was not easy to book one. There are private ones, but you know, they were soooo overpriced (I’d be out of cash in two months).
So yes, that was a difficult situation. But luckily, I got a friend who were willing to share his dorm. So this was not a problem too (yet).
I just felt sooo excited and motivated that any complications couldn’t even distract me.
It’s mid November 2015
Everything fell apart.
All of sudden, my motivation hit rock bottom. The optimism once I ever had was just fading away. I started making excuse for everything.
Lack of money, temporary residence permit administration that took forever, and other tiny issues had become substantial. I started to blame everything in no time.
As I recall, I had loss the interests on what I was doing and began questioning my past decisions. Then I realized that I wasn’t being myself.
I felt that I already got lost too far.
Not only living in a dream, the fact, I was dreaming all the time. I woke myself up with a question: Is it exactly what I need?
You can’t connect the dots looking forward
That was when giving up seemed to be best answer: dropout.
As I remembered I felt like a failure, impulsive, having severe commitment issues, what else? I was also really worried about my future. What would people say about me?
That train of thought would run wildly. I wasn’t sure about everything.
You can only connect them looking backwards
Looking back now, I don’t regret my decision to dropout and support myself instead of pursuing another degree.
One thing I finally understand is that whether I am a graduate, a college drop-out, a student, or whatever, like it or not, I am going to fail.
That’s how I realize what I’m climbing for.
Believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path and that will make all the difference. — Steve Jobs
It happened more than 5 years ago and until today, I find that the hardest (and seem to be the only right) thing to do is to admit that I made mistakes. Only after then, I will be able to learn from them and finally move forward.
It takes courage and as I recall, it took three years for me to finally acknowledge, and learn something from this experience. It’s kinda wake up call for me, like a slap to my face:
- It is easier to be trapped into an imagination, to be blind to reality and to see only what I want to see. Follow my heart, yes I did, I just forgot that I had a brain that time.
- I don’t need any college degrees (moreover from fancy universities) to respect myself, as if I don’t have to prove that I’m that educated to anyone. It also applies to any other possessions.
- Because I have experienced a dropout, I am now able to embrace the experience (and maybe the pain, despair, or anxiety) of other college dropouts. It also applies to any other negative experiences.
- With many more to follow (I believe so)
Who knows what tomorrow brings
Guess it is a surprise. So if today is all we have, why not make it count?
Yet everything will eventually fall into place (and it already is). It’s merely a part of a bigger plan, which is not mine.
Moreover, the unexpected moment is always sweeter (so far). Don’t you feel that too?
وَمَكَرُوا وَمَكَرَ اللَّهُ ۖ وَاللَّهُ خَيْرُ الْمَاكِرِينَ
