Adversity Does Not Build Characters
it merely unmasks them
It was just an ordinary afternoon. I was having a cup of coffee with my best friend when he confessed to me how he decided to leave his job one and a half years ago and start running his own business.
At that time, He didn’t apply to any other job and his only imagination is just to run his own company. Sure he had plans. In short, he does run a company now.
But before jumping over to that page, I would like to share something he did not realize at first and how he managed to deal with it.
Sure he knew that it wasn’t easy to be self-employed and run a company or to start a business. But as a rather naïve person that time, he was pretty sure that he would be able to — not only run it but even — make a successful company.
The funny thing is, it was not common for him to have that kind of optimism. Yes, I know him best.
The story began
Let’s get fast-forward to where he finally started running a company. At first, he really didn’t put a high expectation of how mature the company was since it was just a startup company with no backed funding from any VC (Venture Capitalist).
But it was actually a big surprise for him. As might be expected, the company had already bunch of nice portfolios, and an proper office (right, it was not a garage).
But strangely, there was something missing. Something huge.
It turned out that an employee, a part-timer, was the only person he could say hi when he got to the office. From the organizational perspective, Yes, I agreed with him, the company was missing its own key assets, the people.
The big difference in the sense of working time and connection was just the first problem
In his previous job, he worked with hundreds of people, plus thousands of stakeholders. He met many people everyday, working continuously 8–17 (often until 19 or 21), made countless of friends, and was having a pretty good life.
Everything was so much different then.
When he came by the office, that’s right, he would only meet with just one person. Also, he (the part-timer) would leave at 13.00. Hence once again, he was the last man standing.
Practically, he had to adapt in such condition, each day.
For him, it was far worse than WFH during pandemic. Yes, you hear it right. Everything seems so much better right now.
Despite the collaboration takes place virtually, the sense of connection are gradually improved, since more and more people with different role start joining the company.
All right, that’s a spoiler. Before we get there, allow me to tell the rest of his story.
He’s a Deck Officer, the one who’s responsible for the navigation of the vessel
BoD (Board of Director) are the top-level executives, it’s the highest degree you will earn in a company. Turned out that my friend was one of the executives. Therefore he was the boss.
Sounds cool right? Let’s see how cool it was.
Let’s talk about his job, the real job.
As the director of operations, said, if there’s an incoming project, then he had to create the team who would deal with it (developers, project managers, designers, etc).
Means, he posted a job, emailed them, interviewed them, made a contract for the agreement, printed the copies and other administrative tasks, prepared for an induction, executed the monthly payroll, etc.
In short, he did every single thing.
That was just an example what he did as an executive at the first time he joined the company.
Does it sound cool to you?
Let’s now talk about the compensation.
He did get paid monthly, and if those numbers were correctly calculated, they were worth no more than 25% of his previous salary.
Does it sound cool to you?
As he said, it is not easy to run a company
The story I told you earlier was just an example how things would completely different when you decided to leave your current job and start running your own business.
I’m sure you’d already hear much-more-hardcore-and-dramatic stories. But the point is the same.
The myth of comfort zone is indeed real. As it really prevents us from improving and achieving our greatest potential.
But it is even more dangerous when we decide to step out that zone: never ending uncertainty, discomfort, rejection, failure, disappointment, sacrifice, tears, etc.
Your choice?
So how did he make the decision?
When I told this story to most people, the questions were almost the same: Why did he leave his previous job? He had a good job and paid well, why suffer and struggle now?
Me too, I also asked him myself, countless times. However, his answer was always the same.
It’s not about the money or how good the job was. It was really about what I believe.
Sounds like another idealistic-hippy-stuffs, right?.
But that’s it.
After I listened to him carefully, somehow I agreed with him. Most people never get what they want, only because they don’t go after it. Or even just give it a try. And in the end, they only regret the chances they didn’t take.
There is a reason why action is much more important than your intentions (or ideals).
Idealism is only naïve when it lacks action, determination, and imagination
I’m not implying that money is not important. It does.
But how important? Now that’s very interesting. Let’s have more coffee and discussion next other time.
Things are always wild, and rough
In the previous section, I mentioned several adversities he had to deal with, let’s take the compensations as the example one.
Said before quitting his job, he had a steady stream of income. But then, it was cut off sharply, plus, he had the responsibility to make sure that the company can remunerate all his employees every single month.
Seemed not easy at all. But complaining won’t solve his problem. Tell me, who should he complain?
To the boss? Who’s the boss?
The clients? Sure, but how? He couldn’t just ask them for free money, you bet.
Then who else should he complain or blame?
No one.
Here’s why any complaints would eventually take you nowhere.
The precious lessons
From this article, I learned that complaining is just an illusion trying to trick you at every single time of adversity.
Complaining may distract you from what you really need to be thinking about. Instead, it keeps you busy ruminating about how horrible your life is, blaming others for it, and shutting down any hope for a different future.
From the example, he knew that any complaints won’t help. So he just had to figure out how, and immediately take action.
life isn’t easy and it only become harder if all you do is to complain
It happened every single time. And yes he said that it was really hard, but here’s what he got when facing the adversities: complaining was no longer an option to him.
Most importantly, despite all the shortages, he still managed to survive. Eat well, sleep well (depends how you define a “well”).
There are some other adversities that taught him good values:
- it allows him to appreciate more on every small thing and tiny progress (value: gratefulness)
- it allows him to develop more empathy at work (value: empathy, compassion, respect, honesty)
- it allows him to do what scares him: to dream bigger, to take more risks, to speak up his ideas and perspectives (value: determination, creativity, innovation, passion)
- more
- and more
Slowly, everything goes (really) well
Things are gradually improved by now, more collaborations are built and more value are also delivered.
I was proud of him, but I had to remind him not to get satisfied so soon, since he said himself: the myth of comfort zone is indeed real.
It’s a never-ending story of continuous improvement.
Uncertainty, discomfort, rejection, failure, disappointment, sacrifice, tears are part of life. Therefore it is not about avoiding them, it is about learning to live with them.
the problem never get easier, it is you that just get stronger
As I realized, I had finished my coffee, and the sun had already set
It’s time to go. I left the mirror in front of me while saying goodbye to my best friend.
